I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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