Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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