Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Pappa wants mamma naked
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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