It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
