Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
