By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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