oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
