Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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