She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
