Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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