I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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