The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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