She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
