so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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