I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize