Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
