It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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