So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
