Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
