Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it was like eating out sand paper
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
