I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
