her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
