ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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