i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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