apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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