Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
