Your face is a jimmy john
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
