goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
