I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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