Someone shit on the floor
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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