JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
