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• (801): View more from Utah

  hey, what are you doing tonight?

  (646): View more from New York

  sleeping, g'night!

  (801): View more from Utah

  but i wanted to see you :(

  (646): View more from New York

  sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!

  (646): View more from New York

  stop - you have a right hand - use it!

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.

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• (805): View more from California

  i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.

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• (310): View more from California

  Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"

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• (310): View more from California

  Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"

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• (650): View more from California

  i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  I know but these gold fish are so much better

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.

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