Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
