Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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