Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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