i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
