Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
