So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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