Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
