It's Friday. Sex?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
