i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
