I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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