My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
