My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
