she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
FUCK WHALES
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