I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
