Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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