I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
