Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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