Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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