why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize