I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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