we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
