My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my shit smells like andre
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
