i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
