youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Who died my cat blue again?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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