can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
