I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
