if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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