the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
