remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
