This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
