you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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