Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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