i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
