I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
