i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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