Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
