i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
