I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
