Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
