Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
