I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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